Our journey through adoption.

The journey to Landon is a story I would like to reserve for him and so I’m going to finish writing about the amazing experience we had with Amy, her family and bringing him home…and then finish this chapter in his and our lives.

So I jump right back in where I left off last…Amy’s grandmother had informed us that she along with Amy’s loved one’s felt it would be best for Landon, Amy and everyone involved for Landon to be released from the hospital the following day after his birth…we of course wanted nothing more than to start our new life with Landon but we also wanted to honor their wishes with sensitivity and make sure they had the time they desired to spend with him…the next morning after spending a sleepless night in the hospital, we awakened to the wonderful news that Landon could be released. To back up a little though, it was one of the hmmm…I don’t know the right word…”incomplete” feelings not having Landon near us that night, we felt a connection, a bond, a love that was instantaneous when we saw and held him for the first time, our hearts would never be the same again, fuller than we ever imagined possible and to sleep without him…to wake up without him was one of the hardest feelings I dealt with in this adoption process…but I also knew that Amy and her Aunt were with him and if he were not in our arms, he could not have been in any better arms with them. That morning Darrel went down and spent some time with Amy and her grandmother while Wendi and I got ready…soon after we were in the room, Amy’s family started to come to visit…we were in the room with Amy when her Mom came in with a request…”would it be okay if everyone came in and we prayed together?” of course we felt that would be an amazing experience…a room full of Amy’s family, friends and Darrel, Wendi and I joined hands in a circle..prayer was open to anyone who felt lead to pray…Amy’s uncle started the prayer by stating these words (not exactly word for word but what we remember)..Dear Lord, we thank you for Amy, for Landon, for Darrel and Julie…you created Landon for Darrel and Julie and we ask You to bless them as they raise Landon…” next Amy’s grandmother prayed, followed by me and then ending with Darrel. There was not a dry eye in that room, the presense of love and the Lord overwhelmingly filled that room and we believe every single person in there. To lighten the mood a little now…after we had finished praying we were walking out in the hallway and you know that really cheap tissue paper that you have stored in your purse just in case you need it…well I turned around and my sister’s entire face had huge clumps of tissue paper covering it…she had been crying pretty hard and was wiping her face and did not know that her face was COVERED in big white clumps it was HILARIOUS. After praying we asked for some privacy with Amy so we could give her a heart necklace and card we had picked out for her…this would be the first time we would see emotion overcome Amy…she started to cry really hard after she read the card we had written to her, Darrel got down on his knees and just held her so tenderly as she cried, it was a sight that will never be forgotten. I knew at that moment that Amy knew that our love for her was geniune and as much as she was grieving, she knew in her heart her decision was right. We had a very blessed conversation with her Aunt as well on this day and her aunt’s major concern was that Landon always know that it was not because of lack of love that he was placed in our arms…in fact in was exact opposite…pure love is what this entire journey has been about.

Amy’s grandmother said the vision that her and her family will forever carry on in their hearts to help them have peace is this… hundreds of hopeful adopting couples standing in a huge crowd saying please choose us…choose us…and the Lord looking down from above and pointing to Darrel and I and saying its him and her, they are the one’s I have hand chosen for Landon…she said she knows with full confidence that this entire journey was directed and guided by the Lord and because of that she is at peace.

This day would be the most draining day of everyone’s lives I think…full of emotion…lots of tears…joy…grief…happiness…sadness…heaviness…lightness….every emotion I think a person could feel in this situation was felt…but thank the Lord that there was peace through it all.

After a very long wait…Amy’s grandmother came out and talked to us about how Amy would like for Landon to be placed in our arms forever…we would go in and say our goodbye’s to Amy…her family…and then if we could leave the room so they could say their goodbye’s to Landon in privacy and then the caseworker would come in and take Landon out of Amy’s arms and bring him to us in the nursery…

Amy had told us that she didn’t sleep at all the night before because she wanted to spend every second she could with Landon, and on this day she spent her time with him holding him, loving him and staring at him. She dressed him in a really cute outfit she had chosen for him…every sound he would make she would say “oh how cute..” or if he would cry she would want to help him, she loves Landon and because of this love she placed him with us knowing that he would have the life she dreams of for him. Is there a greater love? Is there a greater sacrifice because of love? A braver choice? courageous choice? I can’t think of one…

We said our tearful goodbye’s and tried to tell  Amy what she means to us and how grateful we are for her but again there aren’t those words…then waited anxiously for the nursery doors to open and see Landon and hold him knowing we would never be parted again. I will never forget the JOY I felt as I saw Amy’s caseworker wheel him in, in the rolling basinet to us…and being able to hold him in private with just Darrel, Wendi and I for the first time…it was the greatest joy I felt in my life, a HUGE weight that has been on our shoulders for years being lifted completely away is unlike any feeling I’ve ever felt in my life.

Now as if the two days were not as blessed as could possibly be we have something so incrediable to share…how God shows His face sometimes in very clear, unquestionable ways…about an hour into the drive I was in the backseat with Landon on the phone with my friend Jenn and I wasn’t paying attention to anything outside but my sister looked back at me and said “Jul…look…” remember when I blogged about the rainbow the Lord showed me a day before we got the call about Amy? I was at my breaking point and I saw a rainbow and knew it was the Lord saying to me “please hold on…your prayers are going to be answered?” go back and read  that post and you will understand the beauty of this moment…off in the distance was a rainbow…it gives me goosebumps to this day…it was clear and yet there was this beautiful rainbow spread across the sky…I knew the Lord was showing us all that His promise was fufilled and we immediately prayed thanking the Lord for answered prayers…it was incrediable! My sister put together a photo album and she wrote captions throughout it and I think she put it perfectly…”One day your Mommy told me that she had felt like giving up. Her sorrow and long for you were almost starting to be too much. Then she looked outside and saw a perfect rainbow..a gift from God. She knew that was God telling her that His miracles were soon to come and to trust in Him and so she did. Know, a few months later, God stayed true to His promise and they have you. On the way home from the hospital about an hour into the drive we looked off into the sky and saw this rainbow. In our awe we knew that God was letting us know that He is good and was showing us what faith and trust will bring us through Him.”

There is SO much to share about the experiences, conversations, tears, emotions at the hospital….so many neat moments that in writing would never do them justice so I will forever remember them so I can share one day with Landon the LOVE that surrounded him. And if you would like to hear the details I would love to share, not only because its Landon’s story but also because it so clearly shows the Lord’s faithfulness…

How do I even begin to end Landon’s adoption story…I have tears running down my cheeks right now…this story will never grow old…our journey to Landon didn’t begin when we started this adoption process…it began before our time…and that is what is mind boggling to me..to know that the Lord placed Darrel and I into each other lives… knew that Darrel and I would meet in high school..fall in love…get married…desire a family…lose two angels…that He would bring us to Idaho because He knew there would be a young women named Amy who He desired us to meet and love…that Amy would choose us among 50 other couples to be parents to Landon…to go into the adoption closed minded about being open in this process and now having an extended family through this experience…for God to show us in so many ways His love and power…His hand has been in this from beginning to end…and now Darrel and I get to stare down onto the most beautiful little boy we’ve ever placed eyes on…when I look at Landon I see God’s goodness in Him, I see a precious miracle that we will never take for granted. I see Amy in him and I thank God for her every single day..the love I feel for him is deeper than words will ever be able to describe…he is our miracle. He is the reason the Lord has had us go down this pathway and thank you Lord is never going to be enough…each and every step, each fall, each tear, each lonely night, each prayer has been worth it to be able to feel my son breath on my chest, to hear his little sounds, to see him stare up at me in love, to watch him as I call his name from across the room and see his eyes search for me, to see innocence, to watch him as he learns, to watch him as he daily changes and grows…our journey to him has ended yet our journey with him has just begun and there is no greater joy and responsibility that is more important to us than to raise him in the Lord, in a home that is stable, warm, loving, supportive, fun…the Lord placed him in our arms to raise him to be the best man he can be…each day he will hear about Jesus, he will be told he is loved and given nothing less than what he deserves from a Daddy and Mommy.

Dear Lord,

I could have never ever imagined in my life that I would be a part of such a miracle Lord, what an honor and privelage this journey has been to be a part of, thank you is not enough…what I have learned dear Lord is that You are perfect in timing, You are merciful and loving, Your plans are far reaching, that life is a gift that I should never take for granted, dear Lord Landon is Yours to do as You hope for him, our hopes as parents could not even compare to those plans we know You have for his life. I dedicate my every single day to loving Landon with all my heart and soul…Lord I pray that as this journey has ended You be given all the credit and glory Lord from those around us who have been alongside us through this process…I pray that You use Landon as a tool for great things in his life, I pray that he grows up never doubting in the love that surrounded him from before birth and the love that we have for him as parents. Thank you for completing the rainbow Lord, a perfect rainbow…thank You for all of the loving family and friends whom You’ve placed in our lives to be supportive in those times that we could barely hold on, thank You for the love they all have for Landon…I can go on and on about the love I feel for you, I will praise, honor and lift up Your name alll the days of my life because there is no greater love than the love I feel for You. You are amazing Lord, and I thank You from the bottom of my heart for the miracle of Landon in our lives…thank You for the joy he brings to our lives! I also pray over our two angels You are holding up in heaven, they are missed and loved and because of their lives, though short and never seen on earth, they filled us with love and we look forward to the day where we are reunited with them in heaven. We have peace in knowing that, though we will forever grieve for them, they are in a perfect place with You and You used them in our lives and other’s lives as well…to teach us what a miracle life is. Thank you Lord for the joy of Landon for making us whole again. Amen

Dear Landon,

You are sleeping peacefully right next to me right now, when I look down onto your precious face I can’t help but smile, you bring me such joy and happiness my son, joy and happiness I could never have imagined. I pray Landon you know that you are a miracle in our eyes. You were placed lovingly in our arms by your birthmother Amy and we take the role she wanted us to lead as your parents so seriously. Landon when I dream about what I want your life to be, I desire  for you to love the Lord with all your heart, as you one day will read your story I hope I’ve done a good job of showing the Lord’s hand in all of this…I pray you are happy, I pray you always feel complete in knowing how much you are loved. I pray you enjoy life to the fullest, that we provide a solid foundation of love. I pray you love unselfishly and give whole heartedly, I pray you enjoy life, each day of it. I know deep down in my heart that God has big plans for you, because He has already used you in huge ways in your short life…I dream about you doing the things that make you happy…I wonder what gifts you have been given and how you will use them…I dream about watching you grow up…my heart is yours Landon, I want you to know that its okay for you to make mistakes, feel safe in that, I want you to know that there is nothing you could ever do that will make us love you less, you are safe in our arms always. We will do our best to guide you, we will faithfully pray over you and trust that God is in complete control. I pray we show you that in hard times, in times of loss, frustration, trials that the Lord is right there next to you, carrying you through.  Landon you have already made me the happiest I have ever been in my life…I love you Landon with ALL my being! I love you precious little boy…this journey to you has been the greatest journey of my life and now I look forward whole heartedly to the rest of this journey…to our new journey with you in it. You are a miracle…you are our angel.

Love,
Mommy

And so this is how Landon’s adoption story ends…and now a new journey begins.

“Now glory be to God! By his mighty power at work within us, he is able to accomplish infinitely more than we would ever dare to ask or hope.” Ephesians 3:20

Sorry its taken me a bit longer than I thought to get back on and blog. Life as a Mommy is very busy but so amazingly rewarding and fun. It’s constant, don’t let anyone fool you…and the tiredness I feel is different than any kind of tired I’ve ever felt but I would not change this for ANYTHING, the love we have for Landon surpasses anything else…he is truly the love of our lives….

Okay Landon has a different idea of what Mommy should be doing right now…which is not blogging, haha, he is over on the chair tooting away and starting to whimper so I will get back on as soon as I can…Mommyhood is calling…. I LOVE IT!!!!!!

OKAY I’M BACK! Daddy is studying and Landon is snoozing very comfortably on his Daddy’s chest…listening to his heartbeat…precious! I’m just going to jump in where I left off last time…

When Amy’s grandmother came out and said those words with tears running down her cheeks, I just rubbed her back and said “thank you…we are ready..” it was the longest walk of our lives to get to Amy’s room…it felt like 20 miles, we couldn’t get there fast enough…once we finally got to her door…I took a deep sigh and then we walked in and saw Amy holding Landon rubbing his legs gently…her grandmother, aunt, mom, Wendi and Darrel and I were all in there..we went over to Amy gave her a huge hug and then layed eyes on our son for the first time…he took my breath away he was so perfect…video camera’s were rolling, camera’s clicking away but all I could hear or focus on was Amy and Landon…I didn’t even realize any of this was going on…after giving Amy a hug she asked “would you like to hold hiim?” YES…and as she handed him over lovingly into my arms she quietly said “here he is, here is Landon!”…there is video tape of me holding him for the first time…I completely lost it and started to cry hard…at that point I became aware of the video cameras taping me and got self conscious but I heard Amy’s mom say “its okay Julie, just go with it…”…there were lots of tears shed, lots…I could not take my eyes off of him, the feeling of holding him in my arms for the first time was the MOST amazing feeling I’ve EVER felt in my life….then I handed him to Darrel and just seeing my husband hold his son for the first time was so emotional…my husband who has been my rock through this journey, been my best friend, the husband who has seen me at my worst, who has comforted me in my darkest moments, my husband the one who has knelt down on his knees beside me in prayer many times asking for this gift…for the gift of a child…the one who I’ve held hands with each night in prayer…the one who has heard me and held me close more times than I can count when I would cry myself to sleep in pain, in desperation of wanting to be a Mommy…it was just a release of emotion, a feeling of peace as I saw him hold his tiny son in his arms for the first time…it was so GOD…His presence in that room filled everyone I believe….I knew in that moment that this was the EXACT, PERFECT moment that He knew all along would one day come for us…the one He had been leading us to for all of our lives! It’s incrediable to see all the pieces of the puzzle that at times seemed so broken and misplaced come together so perfectly that there is NO DENYING that it was GOD’S WILL for us to be in that room with Amy, her family, Wendi and us…NO denying the Lord’s timing and His plan in our lives at that exact moment it all became clear and though we will never ever forget the journey that we have had to go on, or our two precious angel babies…we were able to let go at that moment…and know that a new journey was awaiting us, one fuller than we could ever have imagined! After spending some time with Landon, Amy’s family and friends began to flood in the room and so Wendi, Darrel and I stepped out of the room to give them their time as a family to love Landon. I remember we were walking out of the room seeing all their faces walking in…bittersweet…and I remember silently saying a prayer of thankfulness for Amy, Landon and for her family and friends.

That night after everyone had left we went back up and spent some time with just Amy and her aunt…Amy wanted to hold Landon every second she could and we wanted nothing more for her than that…we knew in our hearts that Amy needed to spend quality time with him, to love him and to bond with him. During this time Amy’s grandmother asked Darrel to step out in the hallway with her, she told him that they were going to ask if Landon could be released the next day because they knew it would be so hard to say goodbye already but even harder if they had a couple extra days as a result of Amy having a csection…she also wanted us to have that time to start our bonding with him….and for him to be home with us….so the next day we would bring Landon home, but in the hours leading up to his releasal many blessed conversations took place….many more tears….prayers…so I will fill you in on that soon…

To end todays blog…the moments I will remember in my heart always from this day was a waiting room full of people who truly loved Amy and Landon…I will remember seeing Amy’s mom walk out with tears running down her cheeks annoucing that Amy and Landon were both healthy…I will remember watching him and hearing him on video tape…I will remember Amys grandmother coming out of the double glass doors saying “are you ready to meet your son?”…I will remember walking in and seeing Amy holding Landon in her arms…her saying “here he is, here is Landon” and her handing him over to me…I will remember each of Amy’s family and friends faces as they walked in to see Landon and Amy…I will remember just watching Amy with Landon that night…how she rubbed his little legs…and each time he would make a noise she would say “how cute..he’s so cute..”…I will remember the feeling of holding him in my arms for the first time…and seeing Darrel holding him in his arms for the first time…I will remember how peaceful it was in the midst of all the emotions being felt…the Lord’s OVERWHELMING peace filling that room. It was a day in our lives that was planned and known before our time…and all the intricate details that took place to get us ALL there in that room on that exact date and moment in time is just beyond comprehension…only the Lord could orchestate such a day…only He knew what each of us in that room would need to go through to get there…only He knew that Darrel and I would need to move to Idaho a couple years ago because only He knew that we would one day meet Amy…and that through Amy we would be given the gift we’ve prayed for, for years…I told my Mom and Wendi the other day…Landon is a gift from God and He used Amy to deliver him to us….pretty amazing…

Dear Lord,

Just in looking back and replaying February 19th over again gives me goosebumps…to see how each piece of a our lives leading up to this day has been an intricate and detailed plan is just beyond me, beyond my understanding…to see how perfectly You put together Your masterplan of our lives its amazing…to see something come full circle is beautiful…Lord You make no mistakes…though at times we felt this path was too much to bear…You carried us through..it wasn’t easy…in fact it was the hardest years of our lives…and at times it was not the path I would have chosen….but at the end I saw Your face the most clear that I have ever seen it when I looked down on my son for the first time…I saw Your beauty in Him…I witnessed Your miracle in Him Dear Lord….You were there staring back at me…and I would like to think that You were thinking “well done good and faithful servant”…I know that I was not always the person You created me to be..I lacked faith at times in what You were doing…in Your timing….and I ask for forgiveness for my doubts…but I can honestly say Lord You were the only reason I was able to go on through this journey…You put so many amazing people alongside me in this journey to keep me going but at the end of the day when there was only silence and darkness…You were the One who I called on for help and love…and You always were there to get me through…I love you Lord…as I watch my son sleeping…as I hear his coos…as I see his chest move up and down each day…I thank You for this gift of life that You have entrusted me to care for…there are no words I can speak to You to show my thankfulness…but You know my heart…You see my heart…and its the fullest its ever been because of Your gift to me…amen!

Gosh there is SO much to share and remember about the last few days that I don’t even know where to begin so I figure it would be best to start when we got the call and work my way through. I really want to remember all the details so that one day Landon can read his story and know the huge amount of love that surrounded his life. I want him to see how amazing the Lord is and how He allowed two families to be knitted together and in many ways become one. So here it goes…I will do one day at a time starting with Monday.

Monday, February 19th- The phone rang and I knew it was going to be Amy calling us to let us know how her doctor appointment had gone, when I answered the phone she said “Hi Julie, its Amy, I just wanted to call and let you know that the doctor is going to induce me tomorrow morning because I have high blood pressure…” I of course was so excited and asked her how she was feeling? “nervous but excited, I just want to see him…are you and Darrel going to drive up tonight to be here in the morning?” Uhm, let me talk to Darrel and see then I will call you back, sound good?” “yep, sounds good…” Is there anything you need Amy?” nope, just excited…after I got off the phone I called Darrel and said “Tomorrow is the day, Amy is being induced, we are going to meet our son tomorrow Darrel…tomorrow”…then I called my Mom..sister..and all of our friends to let everyone know the good news. In the meantime I was so nervous I didn’t even know what to do with myself? So I called Amy’s caseworker to ask what we should do, drive through the night to be there first thing in the morning, or wait until the morning and get up there in the afternoon…our biggest concern was wanting to give Amy and her family privacy during that time, but we also did want to be there if Amy wanted us to be there so we could support her. So she said let me call you back and call Amy to ask what she would like…about an hour later we got the call that Amy wanted us there…she wanted us there for support and reassurance. WOW, that made Darrel and I feel so awesome to know she wanted us there…so we got packed, ate our last dinner as a family of two at our center island (sloppy joe’s and tots), got packed up, picked up Wendi and got on the road. It was so neat driving up there knowing we were driving to FINALLY meet our son, it felt so surreal but so right. We drove straight thru and arrived at 2:30am. We stayed with Amy’s caseworker because we knew we were only going to be getting a couple hours of sleep before heading to the hospital…let me tell you…our last night without Landon was not quite what I envisioned in my head…we got to her house and I’m very alergic to cats so she had 1 room in the house she doesn’t let cats in…so I had to stay in that room for sure…well the other bed that was available was in the main living room and because she has a husband and a teenage son I didn’t want Wendi  sleeping out in the open, so we decided Darrel would sleep on that sofa and Wendi and I would take the cat free room. After talking to her for awhile we all got ready for bed…the bed was tiny and the matress was too big for the frame so Wendi slept in by the wall and I had to sleep on the edge hanging on for dear life because the matress was hanging off the edges…then she warned us she couldn’t find one of her two cats so we may hear it walking around but it shouldn’t bother us…well Wendi and were completey giddy because of pure exhaustion so we stayed up laughing about random stuff…told her “this is NOT how I thought my last night would be…in a tiny bed hanging on for dear life with my sister…”finally we said we better get some rest so both of us were just about to fall asleep and then we heard the most terrifying sound ever, a cat screaming at the door…it was such a scary scream but we both just started laughing…it stopped so then we were just about to fall asleep again…then again the cat started screaming and pounding around…what is going on out there?…so I got up and opened the door…it was gone…okay..its gone please can we sleep now…again it started screaming and we hear the teenage son scream “shut up you stupid cat..”but it wouldn’t stop…so he got up and found it locked in a linen closet that was in between our bedroom and his…apparently she had made our bed and he went in the linen closet and got stuck…it was probaly around 3:30ish before we fell asleep…to be woken up early to get ready to go to the hospital…it was so nice of Amy’s caseworker to let us sleep there but I would have to say it was one of the most restless nights sleeps I thought I would ever have (that is until this little guy).

Tuesday, February 19th AM- Waking up in the morning knowing that Amy was being induced was so nerve wracking…while taking a shower I prayed over her. Over her spirit, her health, her body, her protection, her heart..just focused my entire prayer on her. I knew today would be the most bittersweet days of our lives…on our way to the hospital I felt sick to my stomach, nerves completely took over me…once we got to the hospital we met her grandmother in the waiting room…we hugged and cried together and then Amy asked us to go back to see her…I will remember seeing her laying there with the monitors hooked up to her…with her Aunt standing right by her side…hearing Landon’s heartbeat on the monitor…and just her smile forever. We went directly to her and gave her a huge hug and asked how she was feeling..”nervous, anxious…”. We talked for a little bit and could just tell that her Aunt was having a hard time with us in the room, not because she didn’t care for us but because she knew what the day was to hold…and it was alot to take in..so we left the room to give them time…we went into the waiting room where we met more of Amy’s family…her boyfriend…her Mom and her stepdad…to take a few steps back though, all I had prayed for was peace…a peace that that would surpass all understanding…so as soon as we met Amy’s Mom she came up to me and whispered in my ear as she was hugging me crying…”ever since Amy showed me your profile, I have had an overwhelming sense of peace that you guys are the perfect couple, she could not have chosen a better family for her son…” THANK YOU LORD, is what I felt in that instance…a sense of relief that He was telling me, SEE, all will be okay Julie, you prayed for peace and I’ve given it to her family…THANK YOU LORD…I knew from that point on that as hard as the next few days would be with all the different emotions that His peace was surrounding Amy, her family and us and it felt so perfectly right. After we met them more of her family started to come, her brother, her sister, grandpa, aunts and uncles, cousins… she had a HUGE support system of incrediable people there for her and again from the beginning of this process we have lifted up prayers to the Lord asking Him to place a birthmother in our path that had this support, most importantly for Amy but also so we could share with Landon how loved he is. THANK YOU LORD again for answered prayers. That day was the LONGEST day of our lives…I can easily say this… seating in the waiting room with her family and friends was neat…it was hard though because you could sense in their spirits, heaviness…and for us, we knew the sadness that they were feeling and it broke our hearts, there were many silent prayers being lifted up from us…and I’m sure many of them also…at around 3ish after Amy had been pushing for a long time, her grandmother came out and annouced that she was going to have to have a c-section…not what anyone wanted for  Amy…they prepped her and then about an hour later her mom came out with tears strolling down her cheeks and a video camera in hand…this was the first time we would see our son…when we watched the video tape of him and first heard his cry…there just are NOT words to what those moments felt like…no words can express the joy, the love…the awe of what was in front of us…his cry was the most precious sound I will ever hear in my ears…he was beautiful…perfect…everything…a few minutes later Amy’s grandmother came out with more pictures for us to see of him…again just pure joy…and she showed her family the pictures…it is a sight that will forever be in my memories…the joy but sadness all mixed into one as they all lovingly looked on at Landon…it felt like eternity as we waited to be able to see Amy and Landon but finally…Amy’s grandmother came out…looked at us…and said “Are you ready to meet your son?”…

I will conintue this blog tomorrow (hopefully)…but just reflecting back on these days, the amount of love and support there was in that waiting room of family and friends for Amy was so touching…the peace that filled that room even though there was evident grief for what was to be…the Lord was absolutely in that room, filling His Holy Spirit on all of us…it was raw, real, heavy, light, sad, happy all in one, a mix of emotions filled each of us, but I feel we all knew we were all suppose to be there, connected in this journey together…

On a different note…today we received the call that as adoptive parents is the most freeing call ever…both Amy and the birthfather relinquished rights…Landon is our son forever!

Thank you Lord is just not enough…there are no words my Dear Precious Lord for me to express to You..to Amy…to anyone to show my heart…its full of joy, full of love, the fullest its ever been Lord…You have rescued us Lord, and made us complete…we thank You with all our hearts for all You have done and are about to do…we thank You Lord…

Is the most amazing feeling in the WORLD, we are loving it, even with only an hour of sleep last night I can say that this feeling is like nothing else I’ve ever experienced before…just complete love for this little guy. We feel so blessed…
 
Don’t give up on me, I will post about the experiences over the last few days starting tomorrow…one day at a time…off to bed now, Darrel and my Mom are taking care of him so I can get a head start for the rest of the night/morning…check in tomorrow!

Many of you have been asking when I’m going to blog about the last couple days, I plan on sitting down as soon as I have ALOT of time, so it will be at least a few days before I post about the amazing days we’ve experienced. I can say with confidence that the Lord was present in every conversation that took place, every prayer that was lifted up and His peace was present from start to finish. It was a blessed time, but very bittersweet for all involved. Please be praying for Amy, we called her caseworker today to check in on her, of course her heart is aching and she is having an extremely hard time…please pray for her beautiful heart.

I am sitting here in the office looking over at our son, Landon Jacob peacefully sleeping, to look over and see this amazing gift that God has given us, is undescriable…the awe I feel for the Lord is overwhelming to say the least, and to look into the eyes of my son as he stares into mine is a dream come true. He is wonderfully made, perfect in every single way…last night we had him laying in between us in our bed and we joined hands and dedicated His life to the Lord…just incrediable to see how the Lord designs life.

Life as a Mommy and Daddy has just begun, but yet we love him more than we ever knew possible. He is our miracle, a miracle that we are beyond blessed to be able to hold and see every day, every day we will be reminded through him, the miracles the Lord does.

Last sunday at church we sang this song…and I told Darrel after singing the song, these words perfeclty say what I feel for the Lord…I worship Him with a complete, beyond full, repaired heart…

Who is Like You- Generation Unleashed

You covered me with Your love
With Your hand You rescued me
Your righousness has made me whole.
Who is like You Lord, There is none like You, No one else compares to all Your magesty.
The world will know Your name, as you are lifted High and will bow down.

Who is like You Lord, no one else compares to everything You are, My everlasting arms.
You are so beautiful, You called me by name when I felt lost, with Your Word, you healed my heart. Your loving hands restored my soul.

Who is like You Lord, There is none like you no one else compares to all Your majesty.

Dear Landon,

Your life has just begun, your pure innocence is the most beautiful thing to witness, we promise to all that loves you, you will have a blessed life and its an honor, a privelage, a blessing to be able to raise you… I dream about how the Lord is going to use you, our precious son, for His glory…you already have been used not only in our lives, but in others…because of your life, others see the Lord’s faithfulness, mercy and love, others see through you how the Lord works and how He gives miracles, how He answers prayers. I cannot put into words the immense, overwhelming, powerful love we feel for you Landon, you are our everything. We cannot thank God enough for your life…for your birthmother Amy and for her family…you are going to do big things my son, I already feel this deep down in my heart…you are our miracle…we love you.

Love,

Mommy

gotta go now..he is crying…

WE GOT THE CALL! Amy is being induced tomorrow morning!Please pray for safe travels for Darrel, Wendi and I! Please most importantly pray for Amy and Landon and for a safe delivery. Pray that the spirit be peace…that the Lord’s presence be felt in every single second of the next few days of every person involved. Love you all…

Last night we received a call from Amy’s caseworker, not the call that Landon was on his way, a call that the birthfather contacted Amy for our information because he wanted to speak to us…so a long story short, what he needed to know was that we cared about him, that we knew his side of the story, that we knew what he is sacrificing by making this decision to sign over his rights. He poured his heart out to us, he is about to lose everything that has meaning in his life because of this decision, his family has threatened and is going through with kicking him out, he has no where to go, no job, no car, nothing…but he repeated a couple different times that he knows “down deep in his heart that he is making the right decision for Landon, and that he knows he is not in a spot in life right now that he wants to be in…”. What I realized is that I have been so focused on Amy and Landon in my prayers that I often have not lifted this young guy up in prayers…thankfully Darrel has consistently been…and I was reminded that he is just as much a part of Landon as Amy…and that the Lord needs me to remember to pray for him daily, from last night on too, forever as we plan on doing for Amy.

It was neat because when we talked to Amy for the first time on the phone, the conversation was more lead by me, as a young women I think Amy needed to hear more about the women who would be caring for her son…last night it was switched, the conversation was more between Darrel and Landon’s birthfather. It was awesome for me to witness how Darrel interacted with him, how he spoke to him, not as a young guy but as a man and with such compassion and sensitivity. Darrel gave him what he needed I feel, reassurance that his decision is one that he admires, that we are extremely grateful for and that because he is sacrificing more than alot for this decision we can see his heart for Landon, and we can share this with Landon in the future. Darrel was able to share about our losses, and how because of our losses we can understand the loss he is feeling now…it was a Lord directed conversation. I was nervous still after we had ended the conversation that he maybe was having doubts but Darrel said “its going to be okay Julie….” and a few minutes later, Amy’s caseworker called us back and said “you guys were real with him, genuine, transparent…and because of this he feels a peace that he is in fact making a good decision and wants to help speed along the process and will be going to court immediately after the arrival of Landon to sign his rights away…”

Once again we see a piece of the puzzle that needed to be added, just four days before the arrival of Landon, He needed us to hear and understand Landon’s birthfathers heart…that he maybe was touched by Darrel last night in a way that we may never see come to life but that Darrel was able to share the love of the Lord through his words and heart for him…

 Dear Lord, You reminded me especially that You desire for me to care for this young man, You put him on the phone with us last night to care for him, I pray you bless him Lord, more than that use him in big ways, by making the decision he is Lord, he is losing many people in his life, his family, the ones who he needs to be there and love him unconditionally…he knows Lord he is making the right decision, however he is being punished for it, please Lord change the hearts of his family, soften them…we thank You for him…its an honor to know that you place people in our lives, trusting that we will care for them…we thank You for putting him in our lives, this conversation by no means was a mistake, it was planned by You, You desired for all of us to be on the phone last night together, so we could understand more what it is You are doing, we promise Lord the same promise we’ve made to Amy that he will forever be in our prayers. Lord thank you for reminders, thank you for all You’ve been doing, even four days before the birth of our son, you continue to open doors for growth in this journey…thank You, I pray that you be with every single person involved in this journey, that the overpowering feeling of peace be deeply rooted in each soul. What an incrediable God you are, that You are giving us this gift that is beyond what we deserve…we hope that we can be used more…thank You Lord. We love you…Amen

  We love our nursery, its simple which is us and each thing in this room was given to Landon and us out of love! The furniture is from my parents, the chair is custom made by Wendi and Ryan, the bedding custom made from Shannan and Greg and the art was hand painted by Mindy. If you click on the pictures you will see them full screen because they are cut off in this size. Give it a second to load and adjust to your screen.

Yesterday we switched cars with a couple from our small group who are SO generous and are allowing us to use their SUV which has 4 wheel drive and studded tires for the snow, which our Pathfinder doesn’t have, so we brought it home and packed everything in, it was fun…and we both said, “Okay, now really now we are ready to go, so call come in tonight PLEASE!” So last night I was doing some research on the internet and Darrel was watching the TV and the phone rang…so I got up…walked pass Darrel and said “maybe this is it…” picked up the phone and heard Amy’s caseworker on the other line…”Hi, Julie…” OH MY GOSH, this IS it, my heart started racing…and then immediately after she says “its not time for the baby yet…I thought I better say that before anything else….” NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! She had a quick question for us…AHHHHHHHH!!! It was torture I tell you, torture!!!!!!!

Today Amy is 39 weeks pregnant, so only 7 days away from her due date!

I REALLY do hope we don’t have to wait 7 more days, we are so anxious and every time the phone rings are hearts feel like they are going to explode…I know the Lord already knows what day Landon is meant to be here, and that it will be perfect but if we had our choice we would LOVE for him to be born this weekend! But if you want a good feeling of what this feels like, then tonight when you are lying in bed, just stare at your clock for 5 minutes, donot take your eyes off the clock, just stare at it….it will feel like an hour, I promise…so each minute feels like an eternity….we are NOT sleeping at all, neither of us, Darrel said last night while we were both tossing and turning,  ”I at least want Landon home and not be sleeping for a reason, but this is awful, not sleeping because of anxiety”…it seriously is torture!

So we’ll see how much longer we have to wait…I’m clinging onto the words the doctor told Amy…”he doesn’t think she will go until next Friday…”

It’s sweet over the last few days I’ve been getting a TON of text and emails from people…”are you going to call us or text us when you get the call…” This is our plan, well we do have a longggg drive too so I definately will have time to text or call everyone, but once we are on the road I promise you all, at least the people who have asked me to, text you that we are on our way…after that, I am leaving it to my Mom and Mindy to keep everyone updated through email or text…many of you have asked if I plan on blogging when we are there…I do hope so, I plan to so that I can remember everything…but I can’t promise anyone anything when it comes to blogging…depends on what is going on…SO if you are someone who doesn’t mind getting a text at possibly a random time in the night or even a call, let me know, I will glady call or text you that we are on the way…and if I can with updates if not, Mindy or my Mom will be the people you can contact about updates…so if you want their information email me and I will share it with you!!

On a more serious note, PLEASE continue praying for Amy and her family…and for a safe delivey of Landon! Thank you guys, I hope to be waking you up in the middle of the night saying “were on our way to meet Landon!!!!!”