Our journey through adoption.

The past couple weeks have been full of miracles…full of answered prayers and thankfulness for so much.  A journey through life brings many different emotions: happiness, sadness, joyfulness, grief, laughter, tears, trust, worry…the one thing that we’ve never doubted in though is our faith. We have faith that the Lord is completey capable of miracles and tonight we put our faith in Him that He is in complete control of not only our lives but the lives around us…I read this prayer tonight and tears came rolling down my cheeks because this prayer is what our journey and so many other journey’s are about….to know the Lord’s love more than we ever thought possilbe….

Thank you for how you showed up bigger than I ever knew you to be. Thank you for showing up more tender and merciful than I every imagined. Thank you for writing into this family’s life an adventure, a journey we would have NEVER opted for…because, in it, we’ve come to know you better, trust you deeper, see you clearer, hear you louder, and forever follow you closer. Jesus, you alone are worthy of my praise today. I praise You, from whom all blessings flow. Amen

Extreme Makeover Home in Idaho is airing this Sunday. You may see Darrel and I on T.V. make sure to watch it!!!!!

 
Every morning we wake up in disbelief that we may be parents very soon to a little boy, all of us is excited but part of us is still very scared of the unknowns. What Darrel and I realize though is that what we need to do is completely surrender ourselves to the Lord for the next couple months. When we have fears, lift them up to Him, when we have concerns, lift them up to Him, when we have questions, lift them up to Him, when there are decisions to be made, lift them up to Him, we must completely surrender ourselves to Him. So many people have said that “your testimony is so amazing”..this isn’t our story though, this is His and He has used us to tell it. I truly love the Lord with all my heart and I donot know where I would be if I didn’t have Him in my life. He has done many big things in Darrel and I’s lives over the past few years, my only hope is that I’ve been a blessing to others, I hope that I’ve done a good job of being a witness to others, I hope that the journey that has unfolded in our lives, His story, is a witness to others of the love He has for each of us.
 P.S. The rainbow above is the rainbow I woke up to on Monday morning that I described in an earlier blog that reminded me of His promises and this is the sunset we saw that same night.

This scripture has very special meaning to me today as we celebrate Thanksgiving day. I really thought that we would be going through the holidays without a baby, and though we won’t have a baby physically with us, we have a baby boy in our hearts, in our prayers and in our futures to give thanks to the Lord for.  His mercy endures forever…the mercy the Lord has shown Darrel and I by answering our prayers in this time just blows us both away, we don’t have  enough words or ways to thank Him, our hearts are overflowing with thankfulness…So today we Praise Him for He is good, For His mercy endures forever.

We pray and give thanksgiving for ALL our blessings, for answered prayers and unanswered prayers that we have hope in…

Happy Thanksgiving!

Yesterday from 3pm on was so exciting and so neat. After getting home from small group, we both had huge headaches from the adrenaline rush and we both tossed and turned all night. I kept looking over into the nursery last night thinking that in 3 months there could be our baby boy in there, our dream of being parents is right in front of us and it still feels so unreal. There is about a million different thoughts running through my head today,  I can’t focus on one thing at a time and I find myself feeling very ancy. I talked to the birthmom’s caseworker today and it was reassuring to find out she is Christian, has adopted 3 children of her own and her sensitivity was greatly appreciated. She said the birthmom is excited to talk to us soon.  The birthmom wanted two questions answered today “what sex we prefer and whether I’m going to be a stay at home mom?” After answering those questions for the birthmom, we continued to talk about Darrel and I, our faith and our life together. (this is all through the caseworker, not the birthmom)…so it just feels so unreal, I keep saying this I know but that is all I know how to say right now…

Today some fear set in about what if she changes her mind? What if this isn’t our son? The “what ifs” and all day I have to had to remind myself that it really is not in my control and the Lord is, so relax and enjoy this, enjoy this amazing excitement that is full in our hearts, enjoy dreaming about our little boy, enjoy this time of answered prayers of being matched…we are both so thankful…as I woke up this morning the first thing I did was started praying just thanking the Lord over and over again for yesterday, for this new day of waking up and not starting my day praying that this be the day we would get a call but instead thank you Lord for answering that prayer…and to start now praying for our son, for the birthmom, for the next couple months…I have this vision of Him right in front of me, holding this little boy in His arms and saying “now was this worth the wait My daughter?”…I wish we could fast forward to February already, but we do need this time to prepare even more to welcome him into our home. If I think about the day we will meet him, the one we’ve be praying for, for so long now, its just so overwhelming to think about…to imagine seeing him for the first time…holding him for the first time…oh my gosh, its going to be so amazing, so worth every single step, tear, heartache we’ve endured…

We both are completely and utterly humbled by the mercy of the Lord.

So what’s next is what everyone is asking? Well…we have alot to do in the next couple months, ALOT, we have to finish preparing a nursery for a little boy, we need to get some more basic items, we need to sleep ALOT, take naps ALOT, go out to dinners ALOT, we need to enjoy every single second we have together as a family of 2 ALOT, we are going to take a “last” vacation as a couple, we are going to continue to pray day and night for this birthmom who we admire so greatly, for our baby boy…we are going to be busy, busy, busy preparing for our family to grow…oh we cannot wait…we cannot wait…thank you again Lord for this amazing gift you’ve given to us of answered prayers…please be in the heart of the birthmom, we pray she has supportive, loving people around her right now, and we pray for this precious life that is growing in her…

THE CALL CAME IN TODAY THE CALL!!!!!!!!! Oh my gosh I don’t even know where to begin with this blog…so much to say, to write, to tell, today has been one of the most amazing days of our lives. Oh my gosh it doesn’t feel real as I try to begin to write this blog.

First I want to say the Lord is so amazing, so real, so active and I’m completely in awe of Him. The last month or so I’ve been having a really hard time, fighting off depression, wanting to give up on this journey, just at the end of my rope…I’ve shared this with only a few people…just this overwhelming sense of being DONE, but I’ve held onto the promise of the Lord that He will not give you what you cannot handle…and with this promise I’ve cried out on my knees to Him and said ” I can’t do this Lord anymore, I can’t…I’m tired, I’m drained, I’m exhausted from head to toe physically and emotionally there is nothing more I can give Lord, please Lord, please Lord show your mercy…” and this time I knew in my heart that I really, really was at my breaking point, to the point I felt when we lost our first baby…just done…this week especially was like this.. but yesterday morning I woke up and looked out our back window (not something I normally do) and I saw this beautiful rainbow spread across the sky and I just felt like the Lord put that rainbow there in the sky for me to see, I told my Mom about the rainbow and said ” it gave me hope…I feel like the Lord was showing me this rainbow to remind me of His promises…and to give me hope…” and yesterday a new hope came inside of me, not because of this rainbow nessarily but because the Lord wanted me to see that rainbow and be reminded of His promises and to have hope in Him and these promises….

And today the call came in…I was on the phone with Darrel talking about Christmas wrapping paper when I heard my other line beep…I looked at the number and recognized it…our adoption agency…so I told Darrel, “I will call you back, I think our adoption agency is calling…” I clicked over and heard Tammie on the other line say “Hi Julie. Its Tammie…I’m calling with exciting news that a birthmom has looked over your profile and wants to move forward with you…” she continued to tell me more about this precious birthmother and asked me to call her caseworker asap. I got off the phone called Darrel screaming…then called my mom…then called the caseworker…we talked about our birthmother…she chose us because of a page in our profile of our dogs, she loves animals and loved our dogs…she also loves that we enjoy outdoor sports like wakeboarding and snowboarding..”…she is excited about us and wants to talk with us and possibly meet with us in person….

So we are expecting our baby boy to arrive in February…that is right a baby boy in February….

OH MY GOSH…the excitement that is filling Darrel and I is unexplainable…we of course are trying to keep our guard up b/c something could change…but at the same time we want to enjoy this feeling of excitement, anticipation…just complete awe that we may be parents to a baby boy in 2 1/2 months…its just so neat. We know too the Lord is completely in control and we need to completely rest in that! So we are beyond excited!!!!!!!!!!!

We called everyone after…it was so neat to hear tears of excitement being poured out…loud screams…just pure joy from so many of our family and friends who have been by our side through this journey…it was so neat and more than what we expected!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my gosh is all I can keep saying….to think about the day in February that we are going to hold our son in our arms for the first time…I’m just covered in goosebumps and tears fill my eyes…and Darrel has had the BIGGEST smile on his face all night long…he is so excited too…how could we not be…

SOOOOOOOOOOO please pray that the Lord’s will be done in the next couple months, in all interactions with our birthmother and  in the health of our baby boy…just please be in prayer over her precious heart who is so loving and wants to place her son in a loving home…pray for her please..she is our angel…there are no words we can express to her that will ever explain to her what she means to us, she is a part of our lives forever and our promise has always been to pray for her…and now we know her name….

How amazing is the Lord…that He has chosen strangers to come together in a bond of love for a child….how amazing…..

Thank you Lord for your faithfulness, Thank you Lord for fufilling Your promises, Thank you Lord for your strength..your love…we are in complete awe of You tonight as we pray and give thanks for prayers answered! You are a perfect, loving, God. We pray over this baby boy that we are so excited to meet Lord, we pray over his health, over his heart, over his life, we pray for the day we will meet him Lord…we promise to raise him in a loving, Christian home…He will know Your name and will know Your love in our home…we pray over this amazing women who loves her little boy so much, so much Lord…thank you for her…thank you for her…just thank you Lord for everything! We love you…

I know this isn’t the most elogant typed blog but I had to write something…as it soaks in more and more there is just too many words and not the right way to say them…..maybe tomorrow I can write a better blog…my mind just has so many emotions going through it right now…its just all so much…thank you ALL SOOOOO VERY, VERY much…we love you guys!

The last couple weeks have been long. I started back up with teaching and this class is tough so I have been exhausted to say the least….

A couple days ago I found out that I did not pass part 2 of the exam, which is not a big surprise to me, I knew that I did not do well enough on the essay portion to receive a passing grade. I passed the other half of the test which is multiple choice with flying colors but I bombed on the essay. So I am forced to start studying once again…

And lastly we receive monthly newsletters from our adoption agency and this months newletter said that there are now 33 couples on the waiting list and they are seeing longer waiting time due to this so prepare ourselves. We are still at #10 on the waiting list, which again does not matter until we get to #1, its all about the birthmom choosing us over the now 33 other couples….

So I feel like we are “stuck” in this one spot not moving forward, I feel like we move one step forward and then get taken two steps back, so we keep ending at this same spot…. We’ve been #10 on the waiting list now for a couple months, I pass my first part of the test, one step forward, and then don’t pass the 2nd part of the test, so now here I am back to the drawing board and I can’t move forward in my teaching career…its frustrating, very, very frustrating and confusing…so where do I(we) go from here….

Darrel and I are trying to stay positive, which takes a whole lot of energy out of us both, we are trying to remain focused on the bigger picture of life, which is not about us but is about remaining steadfast in faith and prayer, and we are trying to remain on this journey until the end, I’ve felt like I could give up, take us off the waiting list, let me find another career, let things go…but then I am reminded that the Lord has not promised us an easy road, He only promises that He will not give us what we cannot bear…and deep down as hard as it is and as easy as it would be to give up, I hold onto this promise and know that were meant to be on this very road we are on…so we continue to press forward, and on days, weeks or even months where each day feels like an uphill battle…….we continue on…and we try our best to continue on with joyful hearts, even in the midst of our failures, trials and heartache….

On a different note, and more happy note, Greg and Shannan gave us an amazingingly generous gift of having our custom crib bedding done, as well as a blanket and a pillow. It turned out PERFECT and we both LOVE it. So thank you so much Greg and Shannan….we feel very blessed! I will post pictures of it in a couple days…