Are you ready to meet your son?
Okay Landon has a different idea of what Mommy should be doing right now…which is not blogging, haha, he is over on the chair tooting away and starting to whimper so I will get back on as soon as I can…Mommyhood is calling…. I LOVE IT!!!!!!
OKAY I’M BACK! Daddy is studying and Landon is snoozing very comfortably on his Daddy’s chest…listening to his heartbeat…precious! I’m just going to jump in where I left off last time…
When Amy’s grandmother came out and said those words with tears running down her cheeks, I just rubbed her back and said “thank you…we are ready..” it was the longest walk of our lives to get to Amy’s room…it felt like 20 miles, we couldn’t get there fast enough…once we finally got to her door…I took a deep sigh and then we walked in and saw Amy holding Landon rubbing his legs gently…her grandmother, aunt, mom, Wendi and Darrel and I were all in there..we went over to Amy gave her a huge hug and then layed eyes on our son for the first time…he took my breath away he was so perfect…video camera’s were rolling, camera’s clicking away but all I could hear or focus on was Amy and Landon…I didn’t even realize any of this was going on…after giving Amy a hug she asked “would you like to hold hiim?” YES…and as she handed him over lovingly into my arms she quietly said “here he is, here is Landon!”…there is video tape of me holding him for the first time…I completely lost it and started to cry hard…at that point I became aware of the video cameras taping me and got self conscious but I heard Amy’s mom say “its okay Julie, just go with it…”…there were lots of tears shed, lots…I could not take my eyes off of him, the feeling of holding him in my arms for the first time was the MOST amazing feeling I’ve EVER felt in my life….then I handed him to Darrel and just seeing my husband hold his son for the first time was so emotional…my husband who has been my rock through this journey, been my best friend, the husband who has seen me at my worst, who has comforted me in my darkest moments, my husband the one who has knelt down on his knees beside me in prayer many times asking for this gift…for the gift of a child…the one who I’ve held hands with each night in prayer…the one who has heard me and held me close more times than I can count when I would cry myself to sleep in pain, in desperation of wanting to be a Mommy…it was just a release of emotion, a feeling of peace as I saw him hold his tiny son in his arms for the first time…it was so GOD…His presence in that room filled everyone I believe….I knew in that moment that this was the EXACT, PERFECT moment that He knew all along would one day come for us…the one He had been leading us to for all of our lives! It’s incrediable to see all the pieces of the puzzle that at times seemed so broken and misplaced come together so perfectly that there is NO DENYING that it was GOD’S WILL for us to be in that room with Amy, her family, Wendi and us…NO denying the Lord’s timing and His plan in our lives at that exact moment it all became clear and though we will never ever forget the journey that we have had to go on, or our two precious angel babies…we were able to let go at that moment…and know that a new journey was awaiting us, one fuller than we could ever have imagined! After spending some time with Landon, Amy’s family and friends began to flood in the room and so Wendi, Darrel and I stepped out of the room to give them their time as a family to love Landon. I remember we were walking out of the room seeing all their faces walking in…bittersweet…and I remember silently saying a prayer of thankfulness for Amy, Landon and for her family and friends.
That night after everyone had left we went back up and spent some time with just Amy and her aunt…Amy wanted to hold Landon every second she could and we wanted nothing more for her than that…we knew in our hearts that Amy needed to spend quality time with him, to love him and to bond with him. During this time Amy’s grandmother asked Darrel to step out in the hallway with her, she told him that they were going to ask if Landon could be released the next day because they knew it would be so hard to say goodbye already but even harder if they had a couple extra days as a result of Amy having a csection…she also wanted us to have that time to start our bonding with him….and for him to be home with us….so the next day we would bring Landon home, but in the hours leading up to his releasal many blessed conversations took place….many more tears….prayers…so I will fill you in on that soon…
To end todays blog…the moments I will remember in my heart always from this day was a waiting room full of people who truly loved Amy and Landon…I will remember seeing Amy’s mom walk out with tears running down her cheeks annoucing that Amy and Landon were both healthy…I will remember watching him and hearing him on video tape…I will remember Amys grandmother coming out of the double glass doors saying “are you ready to meet your son?”…I will remember walking in and seeing Amy holding Landon in her arms…her saying “here he is, here is Landon” and her handing him over to me…I will remember each of Amy’s family and friends faces as they walked in to see Landon and Amy…I will remember just watching Amy with Landon that night…how she rubbed his little legs…and each time he would make a noise she would say “how cute..he’s so cute..”…I will remember the feeling of holding him in my arms for the first time…and seeing Darrel holding him in his arms for the first time…I will remember how peaceful it was in the midst of all the emotions being felt…the Lord’s OVERWHELMING peace filling that room. It was a day in our lives that was planned and known before our time…and all the intricate details that took place to get us ALL there in that room on that exact date and moment in time is just beyond comprehension…only the Lord could orchestate such a day…only He knew what each of us in that room would need to go through to get there…only He knew that Darrel and I would need to move to Idaho a couple years ago because only He knew that we would one day meet Amy…and that through Amy we would be given the gift we’ve prayed for, for years…I told my Mom and Wendi the other day…Landon is a gift from God and He used Amy to deliver him to us….pretty amazing…
Dear Lord,
Just in looking back and replaying February 19th over again gives me goosebumps…to see how each piece of a our lives leading up to this day has been an intricate and detailed plan is just beyond me, beyond my understanding…to see how perfectly You put together Your masterplan of our lives its amazing…to see something come full circle is beautiful…Lord You make no mistakes…though at times we felt this path was too much to bear…You carried us through..it wasn’t easy…in fact it was the hardest years of our lives…and at times it was not the path I would have chosen….but at the end I saw Your face the most clear that I have ever seen it when I looked down on my son for the first time…I saw Your beauty in Him…I witnessed Your miracle in Him Dear Lord….You were there staring back at me…and I would like to think that You were thinking “well done good and faithful servant”…I know that I was not always the person You created me to be..I lacked faith at times in what You were doing…in Your timing….and I ask for forgiveness for my doubts…but I can honestly say Lord You were the only reason I was able to go on through this journey…You put so many amazing people alongside me in this journey to keep me going but at the end of the day when there was only silence and darkness…You were the One who I called on for help and love…and You always were there to get me through…I love you Lord…as I watch my son sleeping…as I hear his coos…as I see his chest move up and down each day…I thank You for this gift of life that You have entrusted me to care for…there are no words I can speak to You to show my thankfulness…but You know my heart…You see my heart…and its the fullest its ever been because of Your gift to me…amen!
This is a beautiful story Jewel and such an amazing testimony of God’s love and faithfullness and his ability to awe us! You should write a book…even though I have heard this story I was still in tears reading it! You are truly amazing and I can’t wait to see you as a mommy in action…I know you are doing an incredible job and Landon is so blessed to have you and Darrel!